


the au's and hc's inside of my mind

by ionlyhaveoddsocks



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Gen, Headcanon, M/M, i apologise in advance, just some of my late night thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 10:28:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 6,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29080899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ionlyhaveoddsocks/pseuds/ionlyhaveoddsocks
Summary: one of my comforts is to think up head-canons about the harry potter universe.this is a collection of both sad and happy creations i have made over time.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 6





	1. If Wolfstar had Raised Harry

**Author's Note:**

> a general CW for all of the chapters:   
> \- mentions of trauma  
> \- mentions of history of family abuse and violence  
> \- mentions of character deaths  
> \- some bad thoughts had by characters to do with loss

Had Remus and Sirius had the chance to bring up Harry, he would’ve known all about his parents. Their pranks, their triumphs, and their charisma but also their fails and faults. They were human after all, they weren’t perfect. Harry deserved to know everything about his parents that the two men could offer. 

They would speak of Peter, with distaste yes, but they would answer any questions Harry had. Despite betraying them, he had been their friend for so long after all. They left harry with warnings to keep everyone within reach, and never to let people stray for fear of betrayal and disappointment. 

Harry would’ve learnt of Hogwarts and the possibilities the hallways held. He’d have known every single passageway and tunnel before his first day and would’ve been equipped with the cloak from the start, told where to find the map if it hadn’t already been located by other mischief makers. 

The possibilities of Harry’s knowledge of both the wizard and muggle world could’ve been endless, but these chances were cut short when a scruffy, untrusting young man, fell off the deep end, and threw his life away because of another man’s betrayal. 

Sirius lost his spark and charisma. Remus lost his closest friends and support system. But worst of all, Harry lost his chance at a family and a (semi) normal wizarding life.


	2. James and Lily's First Date

Lily and James’ first date happened somewhat by mistake. Everyone was meant to go to Hogsmeade as a group like always but as the weekend drew nearer, people seemed to make other plans. 

Peter was catching up with some of his friends from the chess club to talk about an upcoming house tournament, and Marlene and Mary had decided they’d stay back at school to catch up on some homework. The workload was piling up more than ever now, so it was only fair.

In the end it was Sirius, James, Remus and Lily who made their way down to the village together, following up the throng of students, making sure no-one got lost or left behind. Sirius and Remus shoulder to shoulder, with James and Lily on either side of the pair next to their respective best friend. 

They discussed the days plans on the way down the cobble path. Sirius wished to visit Zonko’s as usual, whilst Remus needed to stop into Scrivenshaft’s and, of course, the book shop. James had nothing to do specifically, so offered to accompany Lily when she mentioned she was in the need of a new cauldron. Hers had warped in their last potion lesson when Peter tripped and knocked in too much knotgrass. Getting into town, the pairs separated and headed in opposite directions to conquer their tasks.

Remus and Sirius agreed to take this as an opportunity to leave the other pair to it and hide out in the Hogshead once they were done with their shopping. Lily and James found themselves alone together. It wasn’t out of the ordinary to be alone, being head boy and girl, but it was usually when they were on patrol or had a school related job to do.

***

With some deliberation over copper or brass, the two exited the store with a new copper cauldron in possession. They wandered down the main street for a while looking for the other boys, but they couldn’t seem to see them anywhere, so Lily suggested going into Honeyduke’s. James took this as an opportunity to be a gentleman and maybe buy the girl an ice-cream or something.

***

After some time, Lily walked out of the shop, her cauldron now full of various sweets, closely followed by James who traded the now heavy copper container for one of the two ice-creams he had purchased. The two took a stroll to the edge of town, and now completely alone, without imminent responsibility, they found themselves chatting and opening up to each other more than usual.

They continued, lost in conversation about this and that till Lily tripped on a root, and in a scramble to catch her, James ended up falling on top of her. Both taken aback by the situation at first, relaxed as James fell to the side where they rolled around laughing for a few minutes. 

They remained on the ground there next to each other for a while. They watched the clouds shift by them and listened to the rustles in the trees, imagining and discussing all of the animals living within the mysterious forest. James assured her there were centaurs deep within the forest, but Lily wasn’t entirely certain, how could he know for sure?

When they found it in themselves to get up, they reluctantly headed back into town towards The Three Broomsticks for a warming drink.

That’s exactly where Sirius and Remus found them later. In their usual back corner, chuckling, huddled up together on one side of the booth, nursing mugs of warm butter beer. Exchanging knowing looks, the two boys shuffled into the bench on the other side of the table and ordered another round of drinks for the group. 

That is where the four of them stayed, chatting for the rest of the afternoon, until they inevitably had to head back up to school. Again, following up the throng of students from behind, but this time James and Lily hand in hand as well as Remus and Sirius.


	3. Sirius' Mistakes

If Sirius had trusted himself enough to be the sole secret bearer, everything would’ve been ok.   
He could’ve guarded Lily and James’ where about with his life as he’d originally promised.   
But he didn’t, he panicked and got the bright idea to give the role to Peter instead – no one would ever suspect it.

If Sirius had been honest with Remus, everything would’ve been ok.   
They could’ve kept an eye on Peter and ensured the secret stayed a secret.   
But he wasn’t, he was untrusting and worried about the rumours flying around the order of a spy hidden within them.

If Sirius had stayed calm, everything would’ve been ok.   
Remus would’ve come and they could’ve talked to Dumbledore about the future. Their future – Harry’s future now without his parents.  
But he hadn’t, he freaked out at the sight of his best friends dead on the floor of the house that was supposed to keep them safe.

If Sirius had tracked down and tricked peter for “a chat”, everything would’ve been ok.  
The order could’ve brought him on for justice.   
But he didn’t, he searched him out in a rage of furry and betrayal. 

If Sirius had just been level-headed and trusted in his lover, everything would’ve been ok.   
But his wild, stubborn schoolboy ways stuck to him like glue, and his reckless reactions got the better of him.   
And Remus hated him every day because of it. Forced to spend 12 years alone, in pain and misery thinking the love of his life, his *soulmate*, had betrayed them all.


	4. Madame Puddifoot's Tea Shop

Sirius Black had always gone on about how ridiculous Madame Puddifoot’s Tea Shop was, “it’s so pink and frilly, too tacky for my taste.”

Remus was reminded of this yet again when it came up in conversation one night in the dorm. Lily had finally agreed to let James take her out on a date. The boys would never hear the end of it and would definitely be involved in the planning of every detail of the perfect day James wished to treat Lily with.

The meticulous planning on James’ behalf had started out well until Peter suggested Madame Puddifoot’s. It was more of a joke than a suggestion, but it was shut down all too quickly by Sirius. Remus had had enough this time, “why on earth not Padfoot, for merlin’s sake it’s just a café!” 

“Just a cafe,” scoffed Sirius, “that tea shop is a nightmare, Prongs if you have any common sense do not torture that poor girl by taking her there.”

Remus chuckled, he himself understood where Sirius was coming from, but it was entertaining to wind him up none the less.

***

When valentine’s day rolled around, Remus wanted to do something nice with his boyfriend, and thinking back to the outburst weeks ago, now realised he knew exactly where to take Sirius. 

He booked in advance, knowing it’d be packed for the special occasion, and made sure to ask for an inconspicuous table in a shadowy corner so as to be slightly more discrete and not embarrass Sirius entirely. He’d be mortified they were going there in the first place.

Keeping it hidden was hard, but when they finally arrived at the little tea shop on the morning of the special Hogsmeade trip, Sirius felt a mixture of admiration and disgust.

Surely Remus knew how he felt about the place. He had to have listened to all his complaining. What Sirius didn’t realise is that was exactly why Remus chose it.

To Remus’ delight they enjoyed tea and an assortment of sandwiches and cakes before they decided to move on to the other places they needed to get to. Scrivenshaft’s, Honeyduke’s, Zonko’s of course, and finally the three broomsticks to join the others. 

***

That evening Sirius lay cuddled up next to Remus, begging for his words to be taken back. “It’s actually quite lovely inside,” “The food was delicious,” “I guess when you’re with the right person it really is not a bad place for some time alone together.”

Remus chuckled to himself and whispered something incoherent back before the two drifted off to sleep after such a lovely day together. 

***

Every Hogsmeade trip after that day, Remus was elated by Sirius’ insistence to drop in to the little tea shop, even briefly, for some time together away from the their other friends. 

The table in the shadowy corner was their spot they had claimed, and most every Hogwarts student in their right mind knew the table was to be cleared when they came in, out of respect to the infamous pranksters.

***

They were regulars up until the day they graduated. Even after leaving the school they did their best to come back and visit every so often. 

Not a week before the Potter’s demise, Sirius had dragged Remus into the shop as an early birthday celebration. They’d finally had some time together at home, and no one knew when the next mission would come so they couldn’t be sure they’d be together on the actual day. 

***

Now, for the first time in 12 years, Remus walked the streets of Hogsmeade alone.

The journey was painful enough, being there without his closest friends, but as he rounded the corner the knot in his stomach twisted even tighter. 

The flouncy pink store front assaulted his senses and his eyes pricked with tears as the memories of all those visits came flooding back. Remembering how the man he sat with in that little tea shop so many times, had caused such an impact on his life, only to leave so abruptly, taking all happiness and love with him. 

The pang of that first valentine’s day together all those years ago tainted by the betrayal. Their last celebration together so close to the moment in time he lost everyone he loved.

Remus’ only choice now to continue past, pick up the things he needed and ignore the sadness in his heart as he had done now for so long.


	5. Hogsmeade Visits

Each Hogsmeade visit, Sirius and Remus try to pair off together for some time alone. They walk shoulder to shoulder around the outskirts of town relishing in the privacy of the thick shrubbery around them. Often their fingers brush and they each feel the all too familiar butterflies. These treasured times they have together are far and few between, but they make them work and get the most out of them. 

They share in the joy of buying each other sweets from honey dukes, trying out all the new flavours and treats on sale. They always make sure to visit the bookstore. 

“Surely you have enough books my love?”  
“There’s never enough books in the world pads, come on now they might have something new in!”

Sirius acts reluctant as Remus drags him into the old store. What Sirius will never truly let slip to Remus, is the joy he has in watching the expression on his Moony’s face light up when there’s a new story to be read. He himself also takes an interest to some of the old leather-bound books in the back. He swears to one day get through the whole collection on the shelf, somehow without tainting his nonchalant bad boy reputation.

The two pop into Scrivenshaft’s for new supplies. They both go through quills like there’s no tomorrow, though whilst Remus wears his out, Sirius simply loses track of his. Sirius drags Remus into Zonko’s, simultaneously hoping to run into James, but also for no one else to be there.

“You little deviant, my god, don’t you have a lifetime supply of stink bombs hidden under your bed?”  
“You’re mistaken my love, James and I used them all just last week in the dungeons, a true prankster must always be ready for anything”

Remus stalks in behind his boyfriend averting his eyes from the shelves. He knows he’d spend all his money in a heartbeat if he let himself. He’s the brains of the operation, he left the purchasing of resources up to the two mischievous pureblood boys. Something Remus would never openly admit was that his greatest pleasure in visiting the joke shop, was to watch the cogs turn in Sirius' brain. The childish glee and complete bliss of being in his element, surrounded by absolute chaos. 

Between the two of them, as reluctant as they may behave towards the others passion at first, their time together – alone – is blissful. They disguise their joy from each other, to keep something little to themselves. Sirius will always adore Remus’ obsession with reading and collecting heavy books. The boy would never let him help to carry each trips addition to his ever-growing library, regardless of if its 2 books or 10. Remus will always admire Sirius’ passion for pranking and mischief making. Seeing him purchase a collection of peculiar knickknacks and doodads that would evidently end up scattered across the dorm room floor later that evening. 

The mystery they keep between themselves is little, but it brings them endless joy. They keep the all too familiar butterflies from flying away too soon.


	6. The Potter’s Apartment

The news came as a bit of a shock, but it was a welcome surprise to everyone. Lily was pregnant. There was a glow of light in such dark times. James decided they needed to find somewhere to go to start their family, so the two of them set out to find a place to call their own. 

When they finally found the perfect place they began to make it a home. Everyone would come by to visit every so often as it was such a warm and comforting place to be, an escape from the war at hand. But when the prophecy was discovered, they were forced to flee their new home and go into hiding.

It all went downhill from there. 

They were forced into an old house in a quiet village. They tried to make it a home, but they couldn’t bring themselves to do so. They feared for their lives and they didn’t want to acknowledge the fact they were stuck in this house for an indeterminate period of time. Not many people visited, simply because they weren’t allowed to. They knew it was for their safety, but it felt so desolate and lonely. Harry was still a light in their darkness, but it wasn’t quite enough. 

They’d begun to create a home, the start of a new life that felt safe and warm. Somewhere they could enjoy and start a family when the worst was over with. Now they were stuck here in Godric’s Hollow, pulled away from their desired life, their home and relief away from the war. It was hard to remain there comfortably, it just felt wrong. 

The night Voldemort kicked down their door, coming to take the lives of the innocent family, they knew the life they had hoped for and started to create in the little apartment was no more.


	7. Animagus

Lily becomes an animagus. Not just any animagus, but a gorgeous ginger tabby cat. 

It is towards the end of their seventh year. Lily’s bond with not only James but all of the Marauders was growing stronger. She was always good friends with Remus, but she practically never left James’ side now, so she was always with them, in the common room, the dining hall, even the boy’s dormitories. She knew about Remus’ affectionately named ‘furry little problem” but she soon learnt of the three boys *illegal* dedication to their friend, and she wanted in.

She didn’t tell any of them about it and went through the process by herself in hopes she could help out too. When she finally completed the extensive tasks, she transformed for the first time into a cat. She showed James with excitement and he was ecstatic, but also inherently protective. He refuses to let Lily tell Remus about it, that it’s too dangerous for her to join them (the protective gentleman he is). Lily as much as it pains her, acknowledges that maybe she overstepped on their marauders business, so keeps it between herself and James. 

***

It’s kept a secret till years later. One afternoon, Sirius walked into the Potter’s home to find a ginger cat curled up on the bench by the window, basking in the sunshine.   
"Oi Prongs, Red, when the hell did you get a cat and why didn’t I know about it"

In a panic Lily jumped up from her warm spot, much to Sirius' surprise, and hurriedly tried to explain herself to him. In tears he held Lily to his chest squeezing her till she gasped for air. He couldn’t believe how selfless Lily was, to do such a thing for the love of his life. 

It was now a secret that stayed between Lily, James, and Sirius. Lily had accepted it was not her place to invade on the Marauders monthly escapades, and Sirius pointed out Peter probably wouldn’t be a fan of the cat side of things. The other two needn’t know.

There was mention in letters to Sirius here and there, but Lily’s alternate form was only ever referred to as ‘the pet cat’. One of the funniest letters he received, was when James depicted how Harry had almost run Lily over on the broomstick Sirius had gifted him on his first Christmas. 

***

On the night of October 31st. That fateful night. Sirius showed up to the house to find James’ body collapsed on the stairs. He cried out, unable to compose himself as he realised, he’d lost his best friend, his brother. 

Running up the stairs he saw Lily’s lifeless body strewn to the side and wailed more than before. He noticed poor baby Harry blabbering and crying to his old uncle Padfoot. He attempted to comfort the child when he realised what had actually happened and couldn’t bear to live with himself. He’d practically betrayed his best friends. He gave up the role to the actual traitor. But he was just as bad as the rat. Then he realised that for so long he’d thought it was Remus. How could he have ever thought the spy was Remus. 

Collapsing to the floor he stayed there with Harry until Hagrid showed up and insisted, he had to take the child to Dumbledore. After that, Sirius decided on what to do. Facing the coward they’d once called a friend was all he could do in his blind rage. 

***

They say James and Lily’s bodies were buried next to each other in the graveyard of Godric’s Hollow. A statue was put up to commemorate the young family now gone from the town. But there was now a ginger cat that sat around the graveyard, watching over the tombs. Specifically, the two marked with the young Potter’s birthdays and date of death. 

As much as it pained him to do so, Remus visited the graves. He wanted to honour the memory of his closest friends, no matter how much it hurt him to think of the other who betrayed him for things to end up this way. He noticed the ginger cat and did his best to approach it and offer scratches. He doesn’t know why but he feels connected to the feline. 

It makes visiting his friends slightly more bearable, knowing there’s company there. Although, as the moons get worse without his companions and his health declines, he conceals himself away and stops visiting. Not long after the werewolf stops coming, the ginger cat disappears from the graveyard and no one is sure what happened to it. 

***

It is years later in the small dark Magical Menagerie in Diagon Alley that Hermione Granger comes across the same timid cat, now with long, matted fur and mournful eyes and decides the feline is just the one for her. She affectionately names her Crookshanks and brings her along to Hogwarts. 

Lily all too quickly knows the true identity of the rat tucked up in Ronald Weasley’s shirt pocket and is determined to get her revenge on the rodent. It becomes her sworn duty to track him down and be truly rid of the betrayer. 

She spends the rest of her time getting to know her son and his friends. She regrets she missed so much of Harry’s life and mourns the fact she can’t truly be with him even more. She finds ways to help Sirius, knowing of his alternate form and true innocence. She wants to site revenge upon her soulmate’s death.

***

After his escape, when Sirius comes across the ginger cat, he recognises her in an instant but doesn’t say a word to anyone. “It can’t be her, she’s dead, I saw her dead,” is all he can think to himself.

They remain connected up until the end of Sirius’ life. It is a comfort to Sirius to know that she’s there, even if he can’t say anything to anyone about it. It’ll only break everyone’s realities further, so he keeps it to himself, and the secret of Lily’s alternate form, her life, dies along with the raven-haired man.


	8. Warmth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one gets kinda dark so please be careful with yourself when reading

Neither Remus nor Sirius liked physical contact very much. They both came from backgrounds that taught them that being touched by another person usually ended badly, in pain and discomfort, so the two stayed away from it. 

But from the first time they met, they were comfortable with each other. They faced each other on the train on their first day into Hogwarts, and both understood deep within themselves that they had a connection they couldn’t ignore. They just didn’t understand it quite yet. 

They were both sorted into Gryffindor and their place at the dining table next to each other became theirs, right there next to each other shoulder to shoulder. Every meal they ate for seven years, apart from after full moons, was spent together like that at the table.

Their first night in the common room was spent on the couch next to each other in front of the fire. This spot yet again became theirs, and no one questioned the way their limbs intertwined together so they could both fit as their bodies grew over time. 

In the hospital wing after full moons, Sirius had his spot in the chair next to Remus’ bed. He would stroke Remus’ hand whilst he was still asleep and would comfort him with stories and jokes after he woke. It became their monthly tradition to wait out Moony’s recovery together in the back of the hospital room, skipping classes and meals in the hall until Remus felt well enough to leave, and when Poppy would finally dismiss him.

***

Sirius had James to go to and Remus had the girls, but the two boys were joint in an unspeakable way. Touching each other just made sense. There was a warmth where they touched each other. A warmth where if anyone else had touched would’ve felt cold and uncomfortable. Neither wanted to be touched, they couldn’t bear it, unless it was by the other.

As their connection grew, it surpassed touching. They connected on another level. Sitting next to each other at the dining table they knew when the other couldn’t bear to eat but piled up their plate anyway. Whether it was around the full moon, or because of a letter from home, they would insist upon the other eating. 

They would lay together at night, falling asleep intertwined with one another. Their beds were next to each other, they always had been but there came a time early on that before either could fall asleep, they’d end up in the same sheets, for the closeness of the other. Their warm bodies provided a comfort they’d never experienced anywhere else.

In all their time, they’d never thought anything of their relationship. Other people had suggested things in passing but they’d never dwelled upon it. They would sit up, tangled with one another on the couch, Remus reading and Sirius fiddling with something for the next big prank. They would always come back to each other for the familiar touch and support. 

They both realised their feelings for each other around the same time, but neither wanted to ruin their bond by owning up to it. So, they remained how they always had been, not acknowledging the yearning that now came along with the warmth. The desire for more. 

***

When they finally admitted their feelings for one another it was such a relief to the both. But nothing much changed. The spot at the dining table was still theirs. Their spot on the couch by the fire was still theirs. Their hospital wing traditions remained. 

Everyone was none the wiser of their relationships developments until Lily caught them snogging behind a tapestry in between classes one day – four and a half weeks later. 

***

Years after leaving Hogwarts, they shared a home together. They lay together in their shared bed, no longer squeezing into the small single dorm beds, but sharing their very own double bed in their very own room. Every night they fell asleep intertwined as they always had, whispering sweet nothings to one another.

***

It was on that fateful night, when Remus found out his boyfriend had betrayed everyone, that Remus wished he had ignored the feelings all those years ago. The connection they couldn’t ignore, he wished he had ignored it. The boy he’d poured so much of himself into had turned out to be no better than his family. The nights they’d had shared, the laughs they’d had, all meant nothing now. Every memory of those once blissful moments together now tainted by the betrayal of the man he thought he loved.

His skin now burned. Though it was not with the warmth of Sirius’ touch. Not with a desire for the only warmth he had ever known, but with a disgusting dirty feeling. To think he had ever trusted the touch of such a man that could give up the lives of those closest to him. He wanted to be rid of the thought that he had ever let that man touch him because after all, being touched by another person had only ever ended badly, and this was the worst pain he had ever experienced. 

***

Now, 12 years later, Remus couldn’t believe that he’d ever convinced himself that the man he’d loved was horrible. He had spent weeks trying to wash himself clean of the disgusting man’s touch. His skin was raw from the way he’d attempted to be rid of the idea he ever let such a traitor get so close. But now he’d learnt the truth of it all. 

And now he was back. Sirius Black was back, and he wished he’d never thought and felt all those awful things. He wished he could erase the last 12 years from existence. He wished they’d never happened because his warmth was now back. That connection he’d learnt to ignore, the yearning and desire he’d despised himself for, he wanted to take it all back. His soulmate was back in his arms and he was innocent. He wasn’t quite the same man, but he was there and it felt amazing. 

As their bodies pressed together now, Remus felt the all too familiar warmth he’d spent so long trying to forget and hate. He held Sirius so close to himself, scared to let him go. Though it may be different now, they still fell asleep intertwined with one another whispering sweet nothings as they always had, relishing in a warmth the both of them had missed for 12 bloody years

***

Two years. Two years was all they’d had back together in the end. They had tried so hard to ignore the 12 apart and relish in the fact they were back together. 

When Sirius came back, he was a shell of a man. With the same love, the same connection, the same warmth from so long before, Remus knew exactly how to support him, help make him human again and try and fill the shell to be a man once more.

Two years of constant touch. They couldn’t bear to be apart and loose the warmth. They had both been so cold for so long that to have it back felt like absolute bliss.

Now, after two years together, he was gone again. Not like last time though. Remus' soul shattered as he realised. His light was gone, his source of warmth and comfort had been extinguished. As he lay in his bed by himself, he stared at the ceiling wondering how he could go on now that Sirius was dead. 

The last time this happened, he’d regretted ever letting the warmth into his life. Now, he tortured himself with the knowledge he would never experience the warmth again.


	9. One Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was going to add this to the previous chapter but it was already rather long and got quite dark, so here is some fluffy stuff to make up for the tears!

Remus and Sirius both realised their feelings for each other around the same time, but neither wanted to ruin their bond by owning up to it. So, they remained how they always had been, not acknowledging the yearning that now came along with the warmth. The desire for more. 

One night when they had almost been caught by Filch when setting up a prank that things clicked for the two. They hid behind tapestries and shushed portraits as they ran back to the common room, hoping not to get caught. Hand in hand, Sirius leading, both of the boys fighting with the butterflies in their stomachs. 

When they finally reached the portrait hole, Remus provided the password and the two toppled in one after the other. Their hands still connected from the sprint, both shaking from the adrenaline they ended up on the couch next to each other. In their usual spot, intertwined, nothing out of the ordinary, but laughing and laughing from the shock of the last half an hour or so. 

Sirius began to play with the other boy’s slender fingers, recounting the hallways he’d led Remus down. Remus used his free hand to comb through the black locks that lay scattered across his chest. Sirius wriggled up to rest his head on the taller boy’s shoulder just as Remus looked down to face the moving boy, and they ended up nose to nose.

Remus’ arm was still wrapped around the smaller boy holding him against himself and stopping him from falling to the ground. Their hearts racing, breathing heavily they remained like that for a minute or so, a mixture of panic and admiration expressed in the eyes of both boys. Sirius began to look down losing his courage, as Remus caught his chin and tilted Sirius’ face back up to his own, planting a soft kiss upon his lips. 

It felt right. For the both of them. And they lay there together, huddled up in their usual spot, now with grins planted on their faces, blushing from the contact they’d both longed for. And they stayed there, falling asleep tangled up with one another as they often did, awoken by the soft glow of the morning sunlight streaming through the windows of the common room onto where they lay on the couch.


	10. Falling in Love

**Remus’ Perspective**

When the Marauders found out about Remus’ furry little secret, everything was ok. He hadn’t expected it. He feared the worst if anyone ever found out about it, but it was all ok. He had support now. He found he could joke about it with his friends and everything became slightly easier for Moony. That’s what they came up with. His friends had given him a nickname, and all of a sudden, the world seemed a little lighter. It rolled off the tongue so nicely. His own little inside joke with people, he’d never had one of those before.

He now had company in the hospital wing. Of course, the other boys had come before but they didn’t understand why he was there so frequently. Now they knew and laying in bed was so much easier knowing he wouldn’t have to lie to everyone about what truly happened to him.

When he found out what they had done for him, that they had literally defied the law for him, he had no idea what to do with himself. The three boys that meant the most to him in the world were willing to risk their own lives. He felt such an overwhelming love deep within his soul.

For something that had only ever caused him pain and agony, it was now the most bliss he’d experienced in forever. The dread leading into that one night each month, was now replaced by excitement and joy. He fell in love with frolicking around with his companions.

He also fell in love with the boy with the long black hair. He found out it was with that boys’ idea and determination that life wasn’t quite as dreary and painful. He realised that his feelings toward the mischievous boy had always been slightly different to the other two. But now he understood that his connection to the pureblood boy was genuine and he was more comfortable than ever before.

He was in love with life. He was in love with a boy. He loved finally being able to understand and feel love.

***

**Sirius’ Perspective**

Sirius had figured it out early on. The scraggly boy needed his help. He was drawn to him and his lanky delicate features. He just needed to figure out what was wrong so he could help, and he did. He connected the dots and knew what it was. He approached the other two boys about the realisation he’d had. He knew exactly how to help and that’s what they were going to do.

The Marauders didn’t tell the other boy of their idea at first. What if it didn’t work? But it did. They were successful and they could now help him. Sirius could help him at last. Long gone were the days of sitting in the bed next to him worrying. He’d gotten good at distracting and being a support in the aftermath. But now he could be there for him and help in real time.

He fell in love with the tall boy covered in silvery scars. His idea had been a success and he could finally help the boy he loved. He hadn’t realised he’d loved him at first, but as they grew closer, he grew fonder of the boy. If that was even possible. He couldn’t pinpoint a single flaw about him. His connection to the werewolf was genuine and strong and he felt at home for the first time in forever.

Sirius hadn’t ever been ok about himself, but here and now, there was someone he could let in. It was ok to let in the equally troubled boy, because he helped in so many ways. He made it all better. He made life seem good. He made the idea of his awful family seem so distant. The fear he had, dissipated as the other boy held him and supported him like no one had ever done before. He’d only ever experienced pain and hatred, and now he felt comfort and admiration.

He was in love with life. He was in love with a boy. He loved finally being understood and to feel the love of another.


	11. The 1970s

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little heavier than some of the others here. It explores Remus and Sirius' relationship in a way I felt and understood it to be more accurate to the societal (homophobic and unaccepting) norms in the 1970's. Please be wary as you read!

They both denied their feelings. It wasn’t really something they understood within themselves.

Sirius had heard the way his family had talked about people who were different. Men who liked men. They were “disgusting” and “didn’t deserve to live”. It wasn’t something he wanted to acknowledge within himself and he was petrified by the way he felt when he looked at Remus.

Remus had seen the way blokes had been treated down alleyways and in pubs. Beaten to an absolute pulp all because they kissed someone. It was a disgraceful act and he couldn’t understand why he wanted to be a part of it all. He didn’t, but he did. He wanted so badly to kiss Sirius Black, but he was absolutely petrified.

Neither of them could understand why they had to be like this. It was shameful. They wanted to hide it, not only from others but from themselves. So, they never acknowledged it. Not to themselves, and they definitely didn’t admit it out loud.

Though, at the same time they were so close. They put their feelings aside and they were best friends. They would support each other through everything - as friends do.

They would lay awake at night with each other, discussing everything that prevented them from sleeping soundly, though they would never get too close to each other outside the safety of the closed curtains of one of their beds.

The other two, James and Peter, knew how much the two supported each other and they let it happen. Because why wouldn’t they, they were only friends helping each other out.

But the hardest part for Sirius and Remus was when they grew even closer. They couldn’t admit to themselves let alone each other of their feelings. They wanted to so badly but they were mortified they’d ever even thought about it. Any advancements in touching felt so dirty and wrong simply because of the way they’d been conditioned by society.

They may have grown within themselves to accept their relationship together, growing into more than a friendship, but no one could ever know about it.

If they found a shadowy corner of the library to study, they could play footsies under the table, maybe hold hands across the desk, but a single noise coming near them and they’d fly apart.

If they wished to sleep in the same bed at night, even just for comfort, they would not join one another until they were certain that James and Pete were sound asleep, and they would leave each other in the morning before the other boys woke.

It was hard to comprehend. It was shameful by any means they’d been told. The media despised it. Their parents despised it. Pastors despised it. Even children, usually so open minded and imaginative, despised it. So, they hid in the shadows. They found comfort in each other yes, but away from the comfort of closed curtains they were nothing more than friends.


End file.
